How can I destroy my ego (self)?
Recently, a friend reached out to me.
She told me about her situation.
She is often very angry and gets irritated by even the smallest things. Later, she would regret it and feel guilty about it.
First, she tried the 5–5–5 Method.
For those who don’t know, the 5–5–5 Method consists of asking yourself:
“Will this matter in 5 hours? 5 days? 5 Months? 5 Years?”
I wish it worked as well as it sounds. I’ve tried it multiple times already but my brain just can’t grasp the time concept when I’m facing a problem in the present.
I knew she was a Marvel Fan, and her question reminded me of a Movie Scene from “Doctor Strange.”
But first, let me tell you this.
You can view your Ego as a Demon.
The Ego wants to judge, wants to criticize, wants to hate. Exactly in that order.
The ego has one language.
Whenever you say “I”, it’s your Ego.
But the Ego is also your angel. It’s what keeps your desires in life, it lets you believe who you are and control your life the way you want.
Without “I”, we couldn’t live.
Without “I”, there would be no difference between you dying or living. It wouldn’t matter for you, because you have no “I” feeling. Essentially, we wouldn’t be humans without it, but things.
The ego is your angel and your demon.
There is also an old Indian saying:
“I have a fight going on in me” the old man said.
It’s taking place between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
The grandfather looked at the grandson and went on.
“The other embodies positive emotions. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. Both wolves are fighting to the death. The same fight is going on inside you and every other person, too.”
The grandson took a moment to reflect on this. At last, he looked up at his grandfather and asked, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee gave a simple reply. “The one you feed.”
It’s the same quote of “The Ancient One” from the Movie Doctor Strange.
Now comes the good part.
You CAN feed the good wolf only. You CAN be stronger than the bad wolf.
But you need to make sure of the following first:
Believe that it is possible.
Most people try techniques but don’t actually believe in their functionality. They do it despite them feeling that it doesn’t work. Whether consciously or unconsciously.
That’s why you need to believe you can overcome them, before making any start. It’s the same with everything in life.
If you don’t believe you can make it, you won’t.
Once you get that over, there are multiple ways to dominate the bad wolf.
1. Disrupt it.
Whenever you feel your demon arise, ask yourself:
“How do I want to react?”
As opposed to “How does my ego want to react?” Notice how they are two different things.
By asking this question, it creates a gap between your ego and your real decision— This gap is what saves you.
You become aware of the bad wolf, step-by-step. Soon, you’ll become so aware that you’ll notice your dark side.
Once you discover it, don’t shame yourself. It’s tempting to trash-talk yourself over this side, because you don’t want it inside of you.
But the harder you fight it, the more it surfaces.
The key is to sink into the awareness of the bad wolf.
Become aware where it came from, why, and remember the feeling of it arising in you. Remember that probably you didn’t sleep enough, you’re tired or hungry, and that’s why it was susceptible to come out.
If it happens, no problem. But be aware of its roots in your day.
When you try to become aware of the Ego, the habit forms in you. Soon, you will become aware of it at just the slighted annoyance in you. You’ll be able to shut it off before it opens its mouth.
But there’s also another way to conquer it.
2. Talk to it.
The practice may sound strange to you, but it can create change instantly.
Talk to your ego.
Talking to it is a form of acknowledgement and acceptance. You are talking to it, therefore you accept its existence, which is already further than most people are.
For example, I call my negative side by its name, the devil. And I imagine a red-colored, selfish, hateful entity who hates to see others win.
When he surfaces I tell him how much stronger I am.
“I am stronger than you, demon.”
“I am so strong, you bow in front of me.”
“You pale in comparison to my strength.”
“You shrink when I stand up.” (And then I would stand up)
“You cower when I question you.”
“I am what you are afraid of.”
“You belong where I tell you.”
This gives an immense feeling of dominance and power.
The key is to feel like you’d talk to a person.
After all, it IS a person… inside of you. A bad one at that.
Remember, don’t shame yourself for it. Shame must never be felt in life, because it is a soul-eating emotion, which just makes the demon win over you.
But damn sure you can tell him where his/her place is.
You don’t have to copy my words. Be spontaneous. Tell him what you feel. Say you don’t want to represent it, and won’t hesitate to shine your light on it to make it disappear.
This technique is perfect for anyone who wants to become more assertive, stronger and dominant of their emotions.
And the best thing about the technique is…
You ARE a hero.
You won over a selfish, wicked, evil entity and prevented it from hurting others.
You may rightfully feel awesome about yourself for that. You kept the world from another devil.
In the movies, the devil are monsters and villains. But in real life, the devil is INSIDE of EVERYONE of us.
Being a Superhero lover, I absolutely adore this way of winning over my devil side.
Anytime you make the right decision, please hear a faint “Thank you.” from the whole world.
And you may acknowledge that the person who you didn’t snap at, would also thank you. It’s just that most of the times, they never know what you prevented.
Most of the time, you will be an unsung hero. But better an unsung hero than none.
Tell yourself you represent the good in the world and contributed to its improvement. You’ll have a reason to affirm it to yourself, which builds happiness, joy and a natural feeling of worthiness.
And again, remember hearing a Thank you from me, every time you outclass the bad side :) You are awesome.
This is a lifestyle, because it never ends.
Once you get a feel for how beautiful it is to become a positive force, you will never go back.
And, if you knew how much pain the bad side causes, you’d be up and running using one of these two techniques now.
If you give anger, what you’ll receive back is anger too, because people usually reflect what you give. This holds true with any negative emotion.You are the source of anger and therefore its your dominant emotion most of the timeAnger attracts more anger.
Your anger may hold on for weeks, months. You may lose opportunities or friendships over it.
If you put negativity out it creates an incredible ripple-effect that disrupts all the people in your environment.
Anger turns into hate, and hate turns into regret and guilt.
Your hate turns into a daily mood and it’ll turn into stress.
…all because the bad side won.
But once you get a taste of winning over it… you will never stop.
It’s always on us to make the better decision, because we can’t control what others do.
We can only be the example.
Wish you the best!